Kathleen Bufford, MA-LMFTKathleen Bufford, MA-LMFTWest Linn, OR

Couple's Therapy

Premarital and Marital Therapy

Premarital Therapy most often includes the use of an assessment from the "Prepare-Enrich" series, and/or a 16 PF (personality factors). The couple answers basic questions about themselves, their families, and their expectations. Computer generated results provide an objective picture of what their compatibilities and differences are, often looking at information that would seldom come up in typical couple communication. Using this information, couples can begin to make decisions about their relationship before their differences become entrenched battle-fields or deal-breakers.

Marital Therapy is traditionally practiced by Marriage and Family therapists who have been trained to use one of three basic treatment models, exclusively. Those models are:

  1. Communications––and truly the way we listen to each other and the way we talk to each other shape the outcome, often more so than the subject matter that is discussed.
  2. Exploring family of origin issues helps individuals and couples better understand how their family history shapes their present responses. They are thus able to make decisions from a more rational and individual basis than happens when we see ourselves and our spouses as either inevitable extensions of the worst (or best) our families offered, or as living in total opposition to the past. Clarifying what has been and what we hope will be in order to make good, independent decisions can be life-changing work for individuals and couples.
  3. The third and most recent major development in Marriage and Family Therapy is built on an understanding that we are relational people who need healthy, life-long attachments to other people. This type of therapy is called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. The core work involves looking at present connections to see what kinds of bonds exist, what can be developed, and how to smooth bonds that feel more like sand-paper than the comforting, supporting, stable relationships we desire.

In the past few years, I have come to believe that the most effective therapy is accomplished as the therapist, together with the couple, looks at presenting issues and determines which form of treatment is going to be most useful. I often use an assessment such as Prepare-Enrich, 16 PF, or a Brief Marital Inventory to help get a big picture and then target the kinds of issues that seem most in need of work. As with individuals, I may request that each person take an MMPI to further our understanding of what most needs to be done.

While having both persons in the room is optimal, marital therapy can at times be accomplished with only one person present.

When a couple comes for counseling I keep in mind that each person is a unique entity, and invite the three of us to work for the best options for each of them as individuals as well as for the relationship. I consider a solid bond between a couple to be among the deepest and most dynamic of all possible experiences, second only to whatever relationships exist with God, and on a par with parent/child bonding, and other caring relationships that endure for years. I do not take the potential breakup of any a marital bond lightly, knowing how costly such a breakup can be, psychologically, emotionally, and financially.

Should a breakup occur, I work to help couples maintain as healthy a connection as can be had for each of them and for others in the family. This may include referral to a mediator should that be necessary.